Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
