the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
