what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
