There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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