I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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