get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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