I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
