My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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