You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
