So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
