I'm jealous of your bromance
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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