You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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