the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
