so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
