I could have mohawked her pubes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
