Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
