Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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