Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Never underestimate the power of titties
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