I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
