its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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