At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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