sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
