Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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