mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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