And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
