her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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