Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
