i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
