i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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