i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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