and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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