Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
