there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
