the day after is always just damage control
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
