evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
