I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
