A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
