YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
another moral hangover. fuck.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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