Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
