Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
