it hurts more in the daytime
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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