I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
