You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
