I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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