Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
