Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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