So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
