Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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