If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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