if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
