HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
