I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
