i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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