Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
