So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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