i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
