i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
