dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
